The Avon Lady Returns

Note: The following post makes much more sense if you read the one from November

http://aprettygoodstory.blogspot.com/2011/11/avon-lady.html

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I struggle with Saturdays. Especially when I'm stressed or have deadlines looming in the near future. During the week I tell myself, "Stay calm, keep up the pace, you can always catch up on Saturday." Most of the time this works because--in the moment--I truly believe that I CAN and WILL follow through with this plan. But, with the first hint of sunlight on Saturday morning, the procrastination and justification centers of my brain become extremely active. And before I know it, the day is gone. It's not that I sit around in a semi-vegetative state all day. No. I do plenty . Just not the things that were originally on my list. My guilt is somewhat alleviated by the knowledge that this is a common affliction and perhaps, as some of you read this, you are actually putting off something more important. Ah. I feel better already.

So anyway, this afternoon I remembered that we needed a few things at the store (Yay! Another excuse not to do what I need to do but don't want to do!). I grabbed my keys and my debit card and headed for the front door. But as I turned the handle, I heard a knock. I opened the door to find a familiar face. "Hi there! Would you like some Avon today?" she said with a big smile. It took me a moment to respond, partly because she was not wearing her dentures, and partly because I was trying to think of a way out of this.

"Oh, darn, " I began, "I was just leaving...." but I didn't get to finish my sentence. "This will only take a minute." she said with an even wider grin, revealing that she did have some of her original teeth after all. I silently chastised myself for not having stuck to the plan that would have ensured I was elsewhere at that moment, thereby avoiding this situation entirely. Darn.

Twelve seconds later she was seated on my couch handing me a catalog. "We've got some great stuff in there!" she said, a little louder than necessary. I skimmed through, looking for something I could order quickly....something with a nice round number to avoid the mathematics marathon of her previous sales call. It soon became clear that I would be filling out my own order form again. "I don't have a pen, or my calculator, or my glasses" she reported in an apologetic tone. Then the couch rumbled beneath her. "Excuse me" she said with another Jack-o-lantern smile. Yep. I needed to get this over with as soon as possible.

I found some lip gloss and picked four different shades almost at random . While I was transferring item numbers to the order form, she relayed an unrelated story of her last apartment flooding...then there was another ominous rumble followed by an apology. She then began to ask me a rapid series of questions. "Do you like your apartment? How about this weather? How long have you lived in Logan? Do you ride the bus?" Trying to answer her questions AND focusing on not breathing though my nose AND writing six digit number sequences into tiny boxes AND calculating shipping and tax all at once proved too much for me. I messed up calculating the total and it was in ink. Shoot! This time it was ME that was making this simple transaction take longer than necessary. I told her I had made a mistake and needed to fill out another form. She grinned and assured me, "That's okay, I do it all the time!" Another rumble of the couch motivated me to complete the second form quickly and correctly.. The atmosphere was growing less breathable by the second. "I'll go get my checkbook" I said as I handed her back the form. I walked quickly down the hall to my room and took a deep breath before returning.

"Here you go! Have a great day. I really better be going," I said as I offered a hand to help her off the couch.

"Nice doing business with you!" she said with a final rumble.

I walked her down the stairs and didn't go back to my apartment for a full hour.